A note of Caution: The mental manipulation I experienced was due to sin and was resolved though forgiveness from God. If you are experiencing some other kind of mental “disorder” in which you have sought help through counseling, a psychiatrist or psychologist and are taking a medical prescription to maintain it, then please don’t associate that with my experience and think that what you are going through is spiritual and can stop taking your medication. It is not my place to give advice on this matter; I am simply sharing my experience. If you think it may be a spiritual matter, you may want to seek a Christian counselor and work with your doctor to gradually ease off your medication if he advises you to do so. This book may be helpful for you to learn more on this matter: Healing and the Scripture by D. Martyn Lloyd Jones.
Here is an insightful article in three parts on Biblical counseling:
Biblical Counseling, part 1
Why Psychology Cannot Heal the Soul: The Dangers of Integrating the Bible and Psychology by Bob DeWaay https://cicministry.org/commentary/issue8.htm
Biblical Counseling, Part 2
Getting to the Root of the Problem by Bob DeWaay www.cicministry.org/commentary/issue9.pdf
Biblical Counseling, Part 3
Applying Biblical Solutions to Biblically Defined Problems by Bob DeWaay www.cicministry.org/commentary/issue9.pdf
Be Encouraged
If you find that you have gone through a similar experience as I have, where manipulative thoughts that were not your own were playing out inside your mind that made you think you were going crazy but knew you were not, I would encourage you to search your heart, if you can remember when this change started to happen, and see if you can discern the root, the cause, what triggered this unnatural experience to be set in motion. Was it a particular sin that led to shame and denial? A traumatic experience that was too big to emotionally cope with? Maybe it was brought on by delusional pride, an unnatural exaltation of yourself from trying to fulfill your need of self-worth. Whatever the reason may be, God will give you the grace and enable you to face the truth about this so you can be healed. The more you know the truth about His love for you, the more you will trust Him, and the faster you will be healed.
When you are ready to believe in God who is Spirit, invisible, and understand why Jesus had to suffer and die in order to atone for our sins and forgive us, you will also believe that evil spirits are real as well, and were the source of those thoughts that were not your own. In fact, your first-hand experience which you now know to be from evil spirits is to your advantage as a Christian, because you are more willing to believe in them. This realization may cause fear if you are not yet secure in the knowledge of God’s love for you and that Jesus has already conquered the Evil One (1 Jn. 5:18-19; Jn. 17:15). You may have issues with God and with trusting Him for allowing you to go through being manipulated by the Evil One, but if you are willing to learn the truth about God’s love and the nature of our fallen condition, you will be able to find
perfect peace in Him. Until you learn the truth and are convinced that God is love and all-powerful, the Evil One may take advantage of your ignorance and make you fearful in thinking he is greater than God.
When you become born-again, filled with the Holy Spirit of God Himself, you become a new creation in Christ, and the Evil One cannot touch you. Everyone experiences the influence of the Evil One to some degree. He is usually more subtle, such as inciting people to be greedy, selfish, lustful, etc. He is more obvious with people who commit heinous crimes such as genocide, or world leaders who suppress the poor. From my experience, it was a personal battle of the mind and will. The world would have diagnosed me as being “crazy.” I was willing to seek God for answers, and in His love, mercy, and grace He enabled me to face the rude awakening of seeing my inherent sinful nature for what it is, and I willingly chose His offer to be free from it by believing in the salvation of the Lord Jesus Christ. Now the world will think I’m crazy, but for different reasons, for to believe in the Devil and the reality of the spiritual realm is foolishness to them (1 Cor. 2:14). But I am free now, and when God reveals Himself to you, there is no denying that He exists (1 Pet. 4:14).
Before Christ was living in you the Evil One was permitted to manipulate you in your fallen condition, but now you have the Holy Spirit as your shield of protection. As a Christian, he can now cause you to suffer trials and tribulations and persecution for which you now willingly suffer for the sake of Christ, but he can’t touch your soul. When your physical body expires you are guaranteed a place in eternal heaven. The enemy is defeated and he will do everything he can to make you think he is not; but know that his bark is worse than his bite. Think of the Wizard of Oz movie when Dorothy and her friends arrive in Oz and are intimidated by him until her dog Toto unveils the truth of who he really is, a powerless feeble man (Is. 14:15-17).
Once you have come to the full knowledge of your victory in Christ, you will understand the advantage you have in advancing the kingdom of God. Most people who become Christians focus on the spirituality of God and are not aware or are not willing to know more of the subtle ways of the Evil One, so they end up in his deception by being fleshly Christians rather than Spiritual Christians. The way of the flesh – our fallen nature – has such an enormous stronghold on us, and you can see why mere intellectual understanding of the gospel is not effective in making us willing to repent and turn to God. Only God can reveal it to us, and He made it easier to trust Him with facing the truth of our fallen condition by demonstrating unconditional love through the cross of Christ, a kind of love so foreign to us.
Many Christians are not willing to go on – to let go of the flesh – to a deeper Spiritual walk because of lack of first-hand experience, which you have, so you are a prime candidate to be a mature, advanced “disciple” of Christ (Rom. 8:1; 1 Cor. 2:13; 3:1; Gal. 5:22-25; Eph. 1:17; Col. 1:9-12; 1 Pet. 4:11). But don’t let your youthful flesh fantasize about fame and becoming a “great minister” for the Lord, your experience should give you the advantage of seeing vanity for what it is and humble you to see that it is all about servanthood and following the Holy Spirit, that it’s not about you getting the glory; but that He receives all the glory. Your self-worth should no longer be an issue that you would find yourself seeking fame, which is a worldly false sense of self-worth because you are seeking to find favor and approval in the eyes of ignorant fallen men, when all that matters is knowing how much God loves you and the price He had to pay that proved it.
Many people have an unrealistic ideal of what Christianity is about. They confuse earth with heaven, not realizing it is corrupt and fallen and ruled by the Evil One. God’s intention is to bring heaven on earth, and He does that by displaying His presence through willing Christians. Naturally the Evil One is going to do everything he can to prevent this from happening by continuously lying and using every trick in the book to deceive, manipulate, and accuse you. And when you are able to see through these schemes, when you become born-again, he will use trials, tribulation and persecution to deter you. When you understand the spiritual source of evil, it is not for us to pass judgment on others. If you have a correct understanding of God’s love and self-less sacrifice, you will understand why He tells us to love our enemies (Matt. 5:45; Luke 23:34; Rom. 12:14). No one deserves God’s forgiveness and salvation, it is a free gift and He desires that all would come to the knowledge of truth and be saved (1 Tim. 2:4). Love is the most powerful weapon we have; it is God’s greatest strategy in defeating the schemes of the enemy, and we cannot use it if we have not first received it from Him for ourselves.
So you can see how Christianity is no picnic, but a constant battle of spiritual warfare – defeating the lies of the enemy with the true knowledge of God. This is not attractive, who wants to fight in war? Even though God fights the battle for us and is our source of everything we need, our flesh will have the tendency to want to retreat into its comfort zone and be passive. But when you realize that our weapons are sourced from daily growing in an intimate relationship with the Lord that was not possible before we were saved, and how it causes or heart to grow bigger and bigger over time, what could be more comforting than that? If we try to fight this battle in the flesh then we will not be growing in our relationship with God, which is our fuel to keep us going. But your spiritual experience – the battle you overcame that took place in your mind by learning the true gospel and receiving the Holy Spirit – gives you the advantage to approach Christianity realistically, if you are willing to fight and deal with spiritual warfare instead of retreating and living in denial.
Many church leaders and theologians lack first-hand experience with this kind of spiritual warfare that results in having a more convincing, convicting belief in the futility of the flesh, enabling one to forsake dependence and influence on the flesh and be more willing, bold, and desperate to practice and learn full dependence on the Holy Spirit, so they are not fully able to reveal this perspective of Christianity, for they cannot explain what they do not know. But don’t be discouraged, the Holy Spirit is your ultimate source and is more than willing to teach you all things. But otherwise, there are some resources and testimonies of how to experience the fullness of the Holy Spirit the right way, the spiritual way and not the false “supernatural”(fleshy spirituality) way taught by many false ministries. Because of the lack of resources, you may become frustrated and question if your understanding as taught by the Holy Spirit is valid. But if you are humble, which you should be as a result of your experience in seeing the fallen fleshly nature for what it is, and if you are depending on the Holy Spirit for revelation and not the knowledge of man, then you should not be shaken by any doubts or criticism from men (people who do not live by the Holy Spirit). The Holy Spirit is the source of all truth and we are to depend on Him, not man.
John 14:26-27 “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. 27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
1 John 2:26-27 “These things I have written to you concerning those who try to deceive you. 27 But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him.”
John 14:15-17 “If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.”
Notes From My Journal About Hearing Voices
11-1-20 How to handle those intrusive voices in your head.
They could be from the habit of being overly self-conscious. Now that you are aware of three sources of voices, your own inner thoughts, the voice of the Holy Spirit, and the voice of the Evil One, you can be discerning of this and can take authority over unwanted thoughts by dismissing them and focusing on the voice of the Holy Spirit.
They could still be there because of unresolved issues you have with God. Search your heart and pray to see what the Lord reveals to you. It could be unforgiveness toward others, God or yourself. Do you fully understand His love for you? It takes time to trust in Him after thinking He as rejected you for so long. It takes time and practice to walk in His Spirit. An unrepentant heart leaves the door open to be vulnerable to lying spirits. God is truth and He is love, He is all good, and if you are not believing in that for yourself then you are not walking in the light of truth but in rebellion.
As a new Christian, you may lack understanding of your spiritual authority over the enemy. The greater your identity in Christ is understood, the more effective your authority will be exercised.
You may not fully understand spiritual warfare. The devil is relentless, you have to resist him and he will flee. We don’t flee from him, we stand firm on the Rock of our Salvation.
Replace the intrusive thoughts with the truth – quote Scripture, sing a Christian song that glorifies God. The key is believing what you are verbalizing. Is love greater than evil? Is God the most High and all-powerful, even over the devil whom He created?
11-3-20 Walking in the Spirit. You can’t try to think what God is saying to you. Our fleshly ways and intellect are corrupted by the fall and will fall short of His ways. We are to trust in Him and lean not on our own understanding. The Holy Spirit will communicate to us in a small still voice within us, through revelation – revealing the thoughts of God to us. This is spiritually natural; not a striving with your mind trying to figure out what the Lord wants to say to you. The more you study about God and His nature in the Scriptures, the better you will be able to discern His voice. You can prepare your mind to be still and in a good position to hear His voice when you set aside quality time with Him through Bible meditation, singing worship songs of adoration and thankfulness to Him, and praying, especially intercessory prayer. As you do this, the next thing you know, wisdom is crossing through your mind that you know is not of yourself but of God.
11-4-20 A note to those who think they are going through a similar spiritual experience.
When I became a new Christian, here is some advice I wish someone would have informed me of:
First, do not fear, the Devil is defeated. He may seem bigger than God right now but that’s due to ignorance of the truth of the knowledge of God – His power and His love for you.
Find a Christian fellowship where you can learn the truth by studying the Bible and receive prayer. It is best to find a non-denominational type of church, for they are familiar with the reality of the spiritual realm. Be cautious of Christian “ministries” that over emphasize spirituality and neglect mentoring and spiritual growth through discipleship and developing the character of Christ. Look for a fellowship that teaches the meaning of scripture. Some churches preach with an appeal to the flesh – as if they are your psychologist and want to make everything better; or tell stories that appeal to the intellect. You can know an effective ministry by their fruit and the spiritual maturity of their leaders.
Understand that your self-worth is based on your identity in Christ. What does He require of you? Characteristics that are completely opposite from the demands of worldly standards. God does not reject you for your sins, but convicts you in order to repent and set you free from the condemnation of the devil. So you don’t have to go into denial and become delusional by imagining yourself to be of someone of importance to superficially give yourself a sense of self-worth – it is false and cannot result in having a peaceful mind. It only builds up a sense of pride that is based on worldly, ungodly standards. God’s love takes away the fear of punishment, you can be forgiven and take on the light burden and easy yoke of the Lord. You can become humble and meek, dependent on the Lord, willingly obedient to Him, safe and secure in His victorious power and strength.
12-7-20 Those invasive voices in your head – test your heart – are they your thoughts? Is that how you really think (about opinionated voices)? Are they factual thoughts? If they are offensive thoughts toward God, and are not how you really feel – dismiss them. If you do have issues with God, then deal with them, talk to Him about it.
12-17-20 Voices
Identifying the source – Is it me, out of habit of thinking it’s my voice? Why would I be thinking these thoughts? It must be an outside source (Devil).
Identifying the motive – Knowing the voices are not your own, why are they still harassing you? As a young Christian it takes time to understand and use your authority in Christ to command it to leave. It may subconsciously be there by your permission. Ask the Lord where the open door is in your emotions that keep the Devil welcome in your mind. You may be dealing with tremendous emotional pain, and it takes time to forgive others, yourself, and God. It takes time to trust God and to accept His unconditional love, which is even harder once you understand your sinful nature and how you don’t deserve it.
It could be due to ignorance or your unwillingness to participate in spiritual warfare. If you understand spiritual warfare properly, then you would know it’s about exercising your faith that God is the victor and is with you every step of the way, it’s an experience of going from glory to more glory. There is no reason to shrink back, our life is not our own.